awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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