The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
