dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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