I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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