Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
