Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
