Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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