just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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