I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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