I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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