The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
