I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize