just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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