If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
