I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
