What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
