Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
