Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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