I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
