If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
