Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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