So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize