You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You can't just leave with hair like that
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize