I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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