I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
