How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
