Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
