You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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