Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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