SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
