he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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