just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
