Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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