Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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