i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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