; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I love black thongs
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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