she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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