mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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