I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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