I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
