Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
