i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
