I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
