you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
