I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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