I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
