yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
