I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
