The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
