Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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