Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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