I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
