I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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