i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
