I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think your dad took our porno
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
