remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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