found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
