i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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