Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Is it because I queefed?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
