Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
