Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
