Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
