i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This is my gift to your gina
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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