So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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