and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
