IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
