shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
