I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
