I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
