Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
