why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
