i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
