Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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