The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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