just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
