Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
