I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
