no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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